Becoming me.

If you are burned out, you’re paralyzed. Or, nearly so. I should know. I’ve been burned out. I felt overwhelmed by my job, with all of its demands and responsibilities. At the same time I felt under whelmed by my job, which I no longer found exciting or even interesting. All the good had been chewed away.

Something had to give. In desperation I shifted, pivoted, assumed a new stance. But, I failed to face a new direction. I had no idea where I was going. I hadn’t planned that far ahead. I only knew I had to try to be different.

I got off to a great lurch, not a great start. Optimism stalled. I stalled. It would take much more to get me to punch through the morass of the day-in-day-out routine I had created for myself. It took a personal tragedy.

So, it happened. I heard the fell voice say “I’m leaving” and then I fell, down in a mangled heap. It took a bit of time for me to realize I had a bigger decision to make, one larger than the decision that had been made for me.

My life had been forever, not just changed, altered. The question became, now what? Would I turn and march all the way back to where I was, where I had started, only to walk the same path all over again? Or, would I take this as an opportunity to change everything. I chose neither.

I decided to become rather than change, to become as close as possible to what I was supposed to be in the first place. To stop changing me and start becoming me, being me. I believe there is a difference. I believe in the difference.

Some looked at the changes I was making and said I was being courageous. If courageous means fearless then I am neither. I fear plenty.

I fear spending just one more millisecond of this precious life in the pursuit of sameness. I fear bidding my time while not exploring this awesome world. I fear not knowing the fullest extent of my capabilities. I fear not having the freedom to do all that I want, all I feel I need, to do.

No, I didn’t become fearless. I became dauntless. I became bold.

I bet you have felt his same way. If not, do you not feel that you should feel this way? Looking back, it is a shame that I wasted so much time, so much of my life not being true to who I am. I would not wish that on anyone.

I will share something else besides. It isn’t a secret. It isn’t magic. It doesn’t take a tragedy to break out and break free. Become dauntless. Become bold. Become.

Does this connect with you in some way? If so, how?